4/27/2024 Up in Flames and Burned to AshesBy: Grace Silva I believe that beauty comes from the deepest scars of the internal fires that once scorched through us.
We all struggle with our problems, but the problems that leave the biggest scars are the ones that give us our uniqueness. I remember the burning, fierce fire that came forth when I realized what the word “adopted” meant. I was seven, in the second grade. Mid-first quarter, over the weekend, Mom read me that book that I always wondered what was going on in it, for I was too young to understand. The end of the book dawned closer and closer. When the end finally came, Mom said, “Just like you.” I finally asked the question that burned me up inside everytime she read that to me: “What does ‘adopted’ mean?” Her answer changed the sweet little seven year old me. I went from outgoing to shy within twenty-four hours. My teachers noticed it first. I told my best friend, Angelica, about this new “secret” during P.E. While we were doing the warm-up run laps around the playground, she ran and yelled it, every word that I had told her to shut inside the deepest corner of secrets not to tell, to every one there. I remember hearing the thundering footsteps of Elliot racing towards me as I bolted away from the stinging words, my trust burning to ash. All I could do was cry. I had trusted someone who was supposed to be my best friend, but it had gone to the volcano and jumped in. Worst of all, she put together this gang-like group of bullies, handing them their next target like a concert ticket on a silver platter, and watched as they bullied me, doing nothing to help or to stop the tormenting. If you thought that not speaking to anyone except for my family, Elliot, and occasionally Mira and Zayne when they bugged me was bad, add on a group of bullies. I remember Tony and Desmond, the worst of the group. They added Axel, Nasir, Troy, Braxton, Enzo, Jason, and Angelica to the group. All I could do was sit as they insulted me and tormented me. They drilled the poisonous thoughts of “you will never be enough so stop trying,” “you are useless and a waste of space,” “ If you were to die, no one would attend your burial because everyone thinks you are lame and a freak,” “who would want an adopted freak,” and “You probably were your unfortunate parent’s last choice” into my head, until it consumed me. I knew I was helpless. If I stood up to them, they would hurt me, and I knew I couldn’t run fast enough to escape. I could never run fast enough to avoid them. Trust me, I spent all of elementary school trying. Over time, with Elliot’s help, I was able to trust again. Slowly at first, then gradually came more out of the glass barrier I had rebuilt stronger after it had fallen and shattered beyond repair. Elliot taught me how to stand up to my bullies, which I did, and I was good at it, though Tony and Desmond never stopped, and still haven’t. Dioin, Knox, the twins, James and Jack were the next people I trusted, though they had a four month trial period before I told them anything too deep. Elliot and I became inseparable after that, and even though we have started going down our separate paths now, I will never forget how he helped heal the scars from the internal fires that had burned me. I learned with Elliot’s help, that I was perfect just the way I was. I learned to ignore the eroding, poisonous thoughts that had been drilled into my head by the bullies. I learned that my beauty in this world was internal, and came from my experiences in life. Even though today Tony and Desmond added Kenneth to their bully group, I know I am stronger and no longer that helpless seven year old in second grade. I have learned to not let the mean words, insults and names get to me, for those who speak them take out their problems on others. I have learned about the beauty of being adopted, different, and have learned to embrace who I am. I have learned that I am not who they say I am, I am myself, and I accept that completely. I believe that beauty comes from the deepest scars of the internal fires that once scorched through us. I believe that those scars from the internal fires that once scorched through us make us stronger. Comments are closed.
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